Not Ready?

As the last two weeks have gone by I have had no interest in pursuing this online dating thing. Since February 27 I have gone out with two men and neither has contacted me again. I have wondered if that meant they didn't enjoy my company. I'm not sure. A third man and I got to the point of talking on the phone. I didn't have a great vibe from him and was thinking that I would be forcing myself if I attempted to meet him. He called when I was with high school friends and I didn't answer. He left a message. I never called back. I'm not really sure if the handsome one really found a match on his date after mine but he had been quite candid with me and I think he's honest. I feel certain, though, that most of the other women out there are looking for something more intimate and more immediate than I. When I look at my friend who is so active on online dating, I see how she puts herself out there talking, flirting and laughing. I don't put that much into it. This, in short, means that there is competition out there and if I want to date or meet new men I had better get myself in gear. I can't change what they bring to the 'date' but I can examine and change my own behavior.

Getting myself in gear might be the problem. I have discovered that I can't force myself to date if my innerself (for lack of a better term) isn't ready. My two dates have been half-hearted but by no means rude or unpleasant. I haven't been cold. But I have walls around me. I explained this to my therapist this week. I told her how the bike riding is safe. We ride side-by-side and talk all the time but my bike creates this bubble of space for me, and I exist in that bubble as if I am sitting and talking on the phone. I make eye contact. I smile. But I feel like I am trapped inside. I can't reach out. I am locked up and can't get free. I told my therapist I was wondering if maybe I'm not ready yet to do this dating thing. She said, You're not ready." Stamp of approval. What do I do now?