Let's Overanalyze

Here we go. Just a plain old post revealing all of my insecurities. Let's overanalyze what has happened on my two dates:

When I met the handsome one I showed up in my biking clothes and on my bike. But maybe I wasn't playing the game right. Maybe I was supposed to show up all primped AS IF I MIGHT go for a bike ride and then maybe the date would have really been a walk on the pier and a cup of coffee. As I approached him, there was a look. He said something kind about me being all decked out in bike riding clothes. Although he is definitely an experienced dater and can hide his reactions, I think there was a point there where he was giving me some kind of test and I wasn't passing. As well as having a dress shirt on and tucked in, his hair was such that I thought it would never move, no matter how windy it got. Another thing that happened was he said the only woman the online dating service had given him in his area turned out to be very old, about ten years older than the photo she had posted, and he was very disappointed with her. I said something about how I had tried to choose pictures that weren't deceptive but that I had had trouble finding pictures of me by myself. He made some strange sound but didn't really say words, and that made me feel like there was maybe something in my photos that was misleading. I have looked at the pictures again and am wondering. I am very photogenic, and this is maybe something that is working against me now. If I look great in pictures but not so good in person, then men are going to expect something more gorgeous than they get. Am I overanalyzing?

Then there's the emotional piece: I am still emotionally locked up. Can I change this? Am I not ready? Do I send off that 'I'm-really-not-ready' vibe? When my first marriage was falling apart I unknwoingly sent out the 'I'm-not-happy-in-my-marriage' vibe, men starting asking me out, and I was surprised. Why were these men suddenly asking me out? I was married. I was sending some kind of message and I didn't even realize it. Did I send the other message when I was on my two dates?

I think the men I am being matched with might also be getting matched with women in their forties. I believe that puts me at a distinct disadvantage. I don't have any problem with other women in their fifties but don't feel I'm a match for women over ten years younger than I. If this is true, what do I do? I can change myself but not others. How can I change myself if I am to return to this type of dating and then be thrown in the mix with women in their forties?

I will take some more time off from online dating to try to figure out the nuances of this new style of courting. And maybe in a month or so...or so....or so...I will be ready to try again. In the meantime I will try to prepare as best I can. My online-dating maven friend told me a couple of things: 1)There's some fine print on the agreement for the online dating service that says your divorce has to be final before you join them. Oooops. 2)Whoever I end up with, whoever is 'right' for me, won't care about how old I am.

You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find Mr. Right but right now I'm feeling like a bit of a toad.