Dear John

The date on Saturday seemed to be a good 'get-to-know-you' one for me. It was about my speed. He was the good-looking one. I have been prepared to mess up my first number of dates and I didn't know if I wanted to try this good-looking guy so soon. It goes with the territory of someone who hasn't dated in twenty-three years and wasn't good at it twenty-three years ago. I could underimpress a date then, and I think I still have the knack for it now, too. There is much for me to learn. I decided that one of the things I would start doing was write a little thank you after I met someone. So on Sunday I remembered to do that for my Saturday guy. I was okay to move ahead with him at my snail's pace. Unfortunately, this guy was ready to get into a relationship and found that relationship in the woman he dated on Saturday evening. This morning I got a reply. He basically said that he had enjoyed meeting me but that he had had a better connection with the woman that evening, that they had gotten together on Sunday, that they are going to have a relationship, and would I please delete him from my matches. Ouch, a little.

Reflection: I don't warm up fast. I'm not ready for a relationship and I don't try very hard to win over a guy when we go out. I'm out there trying to figure out how to date. This is school to me. Dating is NOT like riding a bike. There's a new set of skills involved now, not only because of my age but because of the computer age and how its revolutionized dating.

Question: Will I change this---or develop some dating skills--- when, and IF, I decide I want to enter into a relationship with someone?

Reflection: I have walls up. I am cautious.

Question: This is a necessary thing for me right now. I am not ready to jump into a relationship. Is this a good thing? And more importantly, do I have control over this?

Reflection: Even the handsome one on Saturday didn't start to light my fire. He looked old to me.

Question: Do they not light my fire because I think they look old? Do I look old to them?

Question: When will someone look physically interesting to me?

Reality Check: I am much older than I was the last time I dated. I am old. Naked bodies are going to look strange. Will I ever get naked with anyone again? Will how they look matter? Can I remember what it's like to fall in love and be crazy over a guy and not care about the physical details? Neither one of my husbands had particularly hot bodies. They weren't gross by any means but they weren't hunks either and I sure enjoyed their bodies. Should I care about any of this right now?