Signing Up

I signed up. I signed up online to go into the dating world. How safe is that? I feel very safe, safe enough to stare at profiles and photos, triage out certain guys and then write to others. Or just walk away from the computer. This type of dating works for me. So far.

The actual signing up took a long time. I had to fill out all kinds of questions about myself, my wants, my personality, my dislikes, my 'must haves' and so on. There were times during this process when I felt like I didn't know myself at all. What do I like to do on a Saturday night? Choose A, B, B, or D. A: Go to the theater B: Go to a professional sporting event, C: Stay in and have a nice dinner with friends or D: watch TV or rent a movie for a romantic evening. Well, it depends on how I feel. I like all of the choices. Some days I'd prefer one over another. But some evenings I'm tired. Some evenings I'm feeling adventurous. It all depends.

And then I lied about my age. Wow! That's not like me. I even tell my students how old I am. But this time I got chicken. I contacted my online-dating maven friend. She fibs about her age by two years. I fibbed by five. I told her; she was skeptical. Five was too much. A week later I decided I wanted to change the age and be honest. Apparently the site doesn't allow for that kind of a change. So, I am still on there five years younger than I really am.

What is the number one quality I look for in a mate? How do I answer that? I used to think it was intelligence. Then I thought it was a good sense of humor. When I got together with my college roommate last fall, our conversation helped me realize that all my college boyfriends were cute. That is a hidden deal-breaker for me. They have to be decent looking. Then I thought maybe it was honesty. Then integrity. What's the truth? The truth is that it's a combination of many things. But I did put down that I would date absolutely no gamblers.

But before I could be activated on the website, I had to post some pictures of myself. I had a difficult time finding pictures of me alone. I came up with three. I posted them. The one that pops up as my profile is okay but I don't have any make-up on. It's what gives them their first impression. I must find better!

After All These Years

Oddly enough, it's been over 23 years since I last had a date. The last time I was single, I basically dated only the man who became my second husband. I had about six other dates during that time. I had somewhat serious dates with two other men. They never became anything that I thought would last. Plus, I was in love with Bill. I thought he was the love of my life.

Now we are getting a divorce. We should have ended the marriage many years earlier but we had a daughter and I wanted her to be raised in the stability of a two-parent home. Having two parents in the home, in my opinion, provides a feeling of security, especially if there is no palpable tension between the parents. And I still loved Bill. We had some good things going for us.

But a few years ago, thinking that my father was going to pass away soon, we moved him into our home. He was weak, suffered from congestive heart failure and had a raging infection that had made him temporarily delirious. He was clearly incapable of living by himself, and the care he would require in an assisted living facility was prohibitive. We emptied his two homes, had an estate of many of his possessions, sold his car, got a caregiver for him.

Then Bill was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He had already been diagnosed with coronary heart disease and had had a triple bypass, he had bipolar disorder, and late-onset diabetes. Ah, we thought, he's gonna go fast because this is a particularly deadly form of cancer.

A few months later he was jockeying to have my dad either removed from the house or pay us $6000 to continue living with us. Two days before our wedding anniversary he called to say that ----fyi and he didn't want to keep lying to me---- he was gambling, always had been, always would be, and that's just the way it was. Gambling had been a thorn in our marriage early on. I guessed it was coming back. Actually, I realized it had never gone away. That would explain where his social security was going. I asked for some security to hedge against any damage that might occur; he said there was no need. He didn't like my suggestion that we get a divorce on paper and he sign over the assets to me. We got divorced.

So now I am ready to date again after all these years.